I recently found this poem and it spoke to me so clearly of what I've been thinking about lately...
"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
Where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep."
Rumi.
Staying awake is a constant battle for me. I don't mean that I'm always tired and want to go to bed, I mean it in a much broader sense. I get so tempted to zone out of life, to not be truly present, to drift from season to season without really and properly paying attention. I mean the day to day things are taken care of, the kids are clothed and fed and whatever work needs to be done gets done, but if I'm not careful, days and weeks can go by and I haven't really paid attention to what my heart and soul are saying. My heart's cry gets drowned out by the lure of sleep singing its lullaby like a siren song that leads to the death of creativity and compassion.
It's during these times that I find myself increasingly struck mute and unable to say what I really think because I've lost sight of who I am and I'm constantly second guessing what others will think of what I say or do. This is deathly and I hate it. I hate being the mute in the corner, it's just not ok.
I'm writing all this not because I'm currently in a season of sleep but rather because I'm experiencing awakeness, and it's wonderful in lots of ways. I'm enjoying this season of creativity and of beginning to live out my dreams, albeit tentatively...but it's also very painful, because I can't believe I stayed asleep for so long. Being truly awake means allowing your heart to really feel and this can be precarious. Our hearts are full of longing and they sometimes harbour lots of pain hidden in their depths. Waking up can involve a lot of processing and eeeesh it's sometimes more than a girl can take. But it's worth it.
 |
| There's magic in the process. |
My prayer is for my eyes and ears to stay open.
Awake, awake, eyes open.
To stay awake in the difficult seasons.
To stay awake in the gardens of Gethsemane, whatever that looks like.
To live life with enlightened eyes and sharpened vision.
To live a life filled with colours bright, not necessarily because everything is wonderful but because my eyes become trained to find beauty even in the midst of difficulty.
Much love.
xxx
