Lately..

It's been a while since I last wrote on here. 

So hello there, dear friends, and thanks for popping by!

 Lately I've been beavering away quietly, making bags and making lots of art.

I sold a painting!!, which was super exciting and really encouraging. It was a large commissioned piece and I really enjoyed painting it. It was such a treasured process to paint intuitively with a specific person in mind.  I loved the finished painting and so did the client, which was wonderful.

I've also done a few more large pieces which has been fun. I really enjoy painting large, it's nice having more space to play.

This one isn't quite finished yet.

For a little while, I became obsessed with painting spirals/whirlwinds/tornado-like things...

I got asked to paint a picture during a worship service at church recently. It was one of the most vulnerable things I've ever done. It was really interesting to paint completely intuitively without having an idea of the what the end result would be. It was also fun to respond to what was happening with the music and so on. It was an amazing experience except that I stupidly put myself under pressure to have it done from start to finish by the end of the service, which made me feel a bit stressed.

Here is the painting...

 As I painted it, I was thinking about springs of water and I can also see a kind of cave.

 I had a sense of an invitation being issued to delve deeper and to not be afraid.

Following on from the theme of springs of water, I painted another large painting. I have called it 'Bethesda'.

I've also been painting lots of small 'cutie pie' paintings as I call them,  featuring sweet little girls with a message. They sort of remind me of my girls when they were little. 

These will be available soon in my Etsy shop.

The Summer fair season is fast approaching so I've been trying to build up a bit more stock of bags and stuff to sell. It's quite a slow process as I'm not very fast on the sewing machine, and my back has been playing up, so I've not been able to  sit and sew for long periods of time, but I'm making progress slowly. 

My poor family are having to put up with the living room being an art studio as well as a sewing room! They are very kind to me and don't complain much about all the mess. 

It's a beautiful mess so that's ok I guess.

 So there we are.

Here's to summer approaching, and enjoying being in our own skin, as well as the feeling of sun on skin.

Much love.

xxx

The fight to stay awake.

I recently found this poem and it spoke to me so clearly of what I've been thinking about lately...

"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you

Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

Where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep."

 Rumi.

Staying awake is a constant battle for me. I don't mean that I'm always tired and want to go to bed, I mean it in a much broader sense. I get so tempted to zone out of life, to not be truly present, to drift from season to season without really and properly paying attention. I mean the day to day things are taken care of, the kids are clothed and fed and whatever work needs to be done gets done, but if I'm not careful, days and weeks can go by and I haven't really paid attention to what my heart and soul are saying. My heart's cry gets drowned out by the lure of sleep singing its lullaby like a siren song that leads to the death of creativity and compassion.

It's during these times that I find myself increasingly struck mute and unable to say what I really think because I've lost sight of who I am and I'm constantly second guessing what others will think of what I say or do. This is deathly and I hate it. I hate being the mute in the corner, it's just not ok.

I'm writing all this not because I'm currently in a season of sleep but rather because I'm experiencing awakeness, and it's wonderful in lots of ways. I'm enjoying this season of creativity and of beginning to live out my dreams, albeit tentatively...but it's also very painful, because I can't believe I stayed asleep for so long. Being truly awake means allowing your heart to really feel and this can be precarious. Our hearts are full of longing and they sometimes harbour lots of pain hidden in their depths. Waking up can involve a lot of processing and eeeesh it's sometimes more than a girl can take. But it's worth it.

There's magic in the process.

My prayer is for my eyes and ears to stay open.

Awake, awake, eyes open.

To stay awake in the difficult seasons. 

To stay awake in the gardens of Gethsemane, whatever that looks like.

To live life with enlightened eyes and sharpened vision.

To live a life filled with colours bright, not necessarily because everything is wonderful but because my eyes become trained to find beauty even in the midst of difficulty.

Much love.

xxx

Daily Sketches

Been thinking lately about the nitty gritty, (imagine I've said it in a faux mexican accent like in 'Nacho Libre', 'Lez get down to de neeety greeeety'.
I mean the nitty gritty of life, the daily discipline kind of things.

I recently joined a gym and have been going fairly regularly. I hate going and it's really not getting any easier, especially when I have to pray to Jesus for the strength to walk home without keeling over from exhaustion in a wailing heap. (I'm slightly exaggerating but it feels like that some times!)

One of the daily disciplines I've actually been enjoying is doing my daily sketches. The idea came to me a couple of weeks ago out of a desire to improve my ability to draw/paint faces. I usually spend no more than 20 minutes on a sketch and it really helps me not to be perfectionist.
Here are some of my daily sketches, I'm really pleased with them..

I usually draw the faces from photos of random people I find on the internet. 

(My children resolutely refuse to sit for me to draw them.)

The amazing thing about doing a daily creative activity is how much it affects everything else. I feel much more enthusiastic and motivated about other things (except the gym!). So I hope I can keep it up, my aim is to keep doing the daily sketches until the end of January, but who knows, it may continue. One of my biggest struggles is with staying consistent and sticking with things, but so far so good, so I'm hopeful.

Oh and do have a look at my Etsy shop if you haven't already.

 I've listed some paintings on there as well as my bags. Here's the link:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/Ayozie

Thanks and Much love.

xxx

Hello 2015!

I'm not that keen on all the fuss around the New Year, because I just don't like change and I end up feeling a bit apprehensive about the whole New Year thing, and coupled with the fact that my birthday is on the 3rd of January, I not only have to deal with a new year, I have to come to terms with being a whole different age as well! Eeeesh! Too much change for a girl to deal with in one go.

But anyway, this New Year has been a pleasant surprise. I feel really settled, which is unusual because I tend to feel restless and anxious about the year ahead, but this time I strangely don't. I feel really peaceful and kind of...settled! I think this was a process that started at some point last year where I realised that a year is simply a collection of days and moments lived, one after the other, and so my feeling this year is to continue to live one day after the other, with the people I love and the things that are before me to do. There's something very freeing about that, it's not that I don't have goals or desires for the year, I'm just happy to take it all one day at a time.

After the excesses of Christmas and the hectic lead up to it, I'm enjoying the January days, and the space, and the predictability of routines and forming good habits.

I've started making art again which is really good.

Some Thankyou cards..

 A portrait in progress...

I've also been making lots of felted flowers. I used up my last lot of felted flowers on my handmade bags made from upcycled denim which are for sale in my Etsy shop.  I have decided to take the plunge and begin to sell some of my wares which is super exciting and kind of scary and vulnerable at the same time.

Here is a sneak peek at some of my bags:

I'm super proud of them and all their felted and denim goodness! Here is the link to my Etsy shop, if you are interested!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/Ayozie

So, 2015, so far so good. I like you so far, I hope we continue as we have started, one day at a time, moment by moment.

Much love and Happy New Year.

xxxx