I've been thinking lately about love and fear and how the two coexist quite happily until a choice has to be made because there isn't quite enough room for both to wiggle their toes freely. I've struggled with being afraid for most of my life and particularly in recent years with uncertainty about my health.
I realised this week that one of the biggest fears that cripples me is the fear of running out of time.
It's kind of irrational. I'm still youngish, I have a whole lot of life ahead of me as far as I know, and my health is stable. But when I was first diagnosed with a degenerative kidney disease five years ago, I felt like it was all hopeless, particularly with the prognosis I was given, and I can see then that I wasn't sure how long I would have with a good quality of life, and that fear paralysed me. But now the disease is in remission and I am so grateful, but yet that fear has lingered on. It has made me afraid to commit to anything, especially with any sort of long term commitment with work, and so on. As a result I've spent the last few years kind of drifting.
And so I am making a choice. To embrace life more fully. To stop procrastinating, to really breathe, to make more room for love in all of its array of colours.
I choose to make more room for love.
 |
| Page from my Art Journal. |
 |
| Paper flower art from my art date with a friend. Embracing relationship leads to so much joy! |
Am I still afraid today? Yes I am. But I'm choosing the way of love instead. I will acknowledge the fears I have and then lay them down.
Fear constricts but love relaxes, it allows pores to open and makes room to breathe.
Fear concentrates on lack but love always allows for the possibility of abundance.
Loves finds abundance in times of plenty and when there's only a little.
There is no fear in love.
Love drives out fear.
 |
| Page from my Art Journal. |
I've been felting lots this last week and not just because I love it and I really do, but I am choosing to take more seriously the things I love doing and try to earn some income from those things.
It's scary and vulnerable and kind of uncomfortable but it really is about time.
Here is my felting bounty from this last week!
I really enjoyed making the felt flowers and love hearts.
It has been wonderful working with colour and soft wool. I feel so much better for it.
Much love.
xxx
