The fight to stay awake.

I recently found this poem and it spoke to me so clearly of what I've been thinking about lately...

"The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you

Don't go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

Don't go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

Where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

Don't go back to sleep."

 Rumi.

Staying awake is a constant battle for me. I don't mean that I'm always tired and want to go to bed, I mean it in a much broader sense. I get so tempted to zone out of life, to not be truly present, to drift from season to season without really and properly paying attention. I mean the day to day things are taken care of, the kids are clothed and fed and whatever work needs to be done gets done, but if I'm not careful, days and weeks can go by and I haven't really paid attention to what my heart and soul are saying. My heart's cry gets drowned out by the lure of sleep singing its lullaby like a siren song that leads to the death of creativity and compassion.

It's during these times that I find myself increasingly struck mute and unable to say what I really think because I've lost sight of who I am and I'm constantly second guessing what others will think of what I say or do. This is deathly and I hate it. I hate being the mute in the corner, it's just not ok.

I'm writing all this not because I'm currently in a season of sleep but rather because I'm experiencing awakeness, and it's wonderful in lots of ways. I'm enjoying this season of creativity and of beginning to live out my dreams, albeit tentatively...but it's also very painful, because I can't believe I stayed asleep for so long. Being truly awake means allowing your heart to really feel and this can be precarious. Our hearts are full of longing and they sometimes harbour lots of pain hidden in their depths. Waking up can involve a lot of processing and eeeesh it's sometimes more than a girl can take. But it's worth it.

There's magic in the process.

My prayer is for my eyes and ears to stay open.

Awake, awake, eyes open.

To stay awake in the difficult seasons. 

To stay awake in the gardens of Gethsemane, whatever that looks like.

To live life with enlightened eyes and sharpened vision.

To live a life filled with colours bright, not necessarily because everything is wonderful but because my eyes become trained to find beauty even in the midst of difficulty.

Much love.

xxx

Daily Sketches

Been thinking lately about the nitty gritty, (imagine I've said it in a faux mexican accent like in 'Nacho Libre', 'Lez get down to de neeety greeeety'.
I mean the nitty gritty of life, the daily discipline kind of things.

I recently joined a gym and have been going fairly regularly. I hate going and it's really not getting any easier, especially when I have to pray to Jesus for the strength to walk home without keeling over from exhaustion in a wailing heap. (I'm slightly exaggerating but it feels like that some times!)

One of the daily disciplines I've actually been enjoying is doing my daily sketches. The idea came to me a couple of weeks ago out of a desire to improve my ability to draw/paint faces. I usually spend no more than 20 minutes on a sketch and it really helps me not to be perfectionist.
Here are some of my daily sketches, I'm really pleased with them..

I usually draw the faces from photos of random people I find on the internet. 

(My children resolutely refuse to sit for me to draw them.)

The amazing thing about doing a daily creative activity is how much it affects everything else. I feel much more enthusiastic and motivated about other things (except the gym!). So I hope I can keep it up, my aim is to keep doing the daily sketches until the end of January, but who knows, it may continue. One of my biggest struggles is with staying consistent and sticking with things, but so far so good, so I'm hopeful.

Oh and do have a look at my Etsy shop if you haven't already.

 I've listed some paintings on there as well as my bags. Here's the link:

https://www.etsy.com/shop/Ayozie

Thanks and Much love.

xxx

Hello 2015!

I'm not that keen on all the fuss around the New Year, because I just don't like change and I end up feeling a bit apprehensive about the whole New Year thing, and coupled with the fact that my birthday is on the 3rd of January, I not only have to deal with a new year, I have to come to terms with being a whole different age as well! Eeeesh! Too much change for a girl to deal with in one go.

But anyway, this New Year has been a pleasant surprise. I feel really settled, which is unusual because I tend to feel restless and anxious about the year ahead, but this time I strangely don't. I feel really peaceful and kind of...settled! I think this was a process that started at some point last year where I realised that a year is simply a collection of days and moments lived, one after the other, and so my feeling this year is to continue to live one day after the other, with the people I love and the things that are before me to do. There's something very freeing about that, it's not that I don't have goals or desires for the year, I'm just happy to take it all one day at a time.

After the excesses of Christmas and the hectic lead up to it, I'm enjoying the January days, and the space, and the predictability of routines and forming good habits.

I've started making art again which is really good.

Some Thankyou cards..

 A portrait in progress...

I've also been making lots of felted flowers. I used up my last lot of felted flowers on my handmade bags made from upcycled denim which are for sale in my Etsy shop.  I have decided to take the plunge and begin to sell some of my wares which is super exciting and kind of scary and vulnerable at the same time.

Here is a sneak peek at some of my bags:

I'm super proud of them and all their felted and denim goodness! Here is the link to my Etsy shop, if you are interested!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/Ayozie

So, 2015, so far so good. I like you so far, I hope we continue as we have started, one day at a time, moment by moment.

Much love and Happy New Year.

xxxx

Last minute edible Christmas gifts.

The last couple of days have been devoted to making edible gifts. I'm glad because I foolishly ventured out to the shops today and it was so stressful that I made a hasty retreat back into the peace of my kitchen. I would rather make last minute gifts than do last minute shopping.

So here are some of the gifts that I've been making, along with my girls.

Chilli Jam. 

This is delicious and I used Nigella's recipe.. It's super easy to make, you just need some chilli, fresh red peppers, apple cider vinegar and jam sugar.

I also made some Courgette and Chilli Relish. I kind of made up the recipe and I foolishly didn't write things down as I went along, but I do remember that it had courgettes obviously, along with one fresh chilli, two onions, two fresh peppers, about 350ml of apple cider vinegar, a generous amount of caster sugar, a teaspoon of cumin seeds, a teaspoon of curry powder, some black pepper and a bit of salt, oh and some ground arrowroot to thicken it, (or perhaps a teaspoon of cornflour instead). It really is delicious, I was genuinely surprised at how nice it was and it tastes amazing in a cheese sandwich!

I then made some Cranberry Sauce (Nigella's recipe) and some Cranberry and Orange Marmalade, which was basically some of the cranberry sauce mixed in with some of the marmalade batch from a ready made 'mamade' tin. (You simply add water and sugar to the mamade orange mush, according to the instructions, boil it and you have marmalade!)

 The Cranberry and orange marmalade is another pleasant surprise. It really is delicious on toast and adds a festive twist to breakfast.

I wrote about my Christmas cake mishaps in my last post. I took one of the rather overdone christmas cakes and cut off the burnt bits and marzipanned it. I then had a brainwave that I could cut it into four pieces and give them as individual iced mini christmas cakes. (It would have been easier to do this before I covered the cake in marzipan as I then had to re-marzipan the cut edges.)

 My daughter Daniella helped with the icing of the mini cakes. I think she ended up with more icing on her!

Here are the finished mini Christmas cakes. They look so pretty with the sugar flowers, hearts and sparkles! I will wrap each one in cellophane and ribbon.

Lastly I roped the girls into making cookies as another gift. They made heart shaped cookies and we will put them in mugs with hearts on them, and some heart shaped dishes and wrap them in cellophane and ribbon. The cookies are Cinnamon Shortbread.

Wishing you and your loved ones a very Happy Christmas filled with very much love.

xxx

Christmas makes and bakes.

I do love this time of year.

I love the twinkly lights and the general candlelit cosiness.

 I love making gifts and all the creativity that goes on.

(I can't post about everything I've made, else the surprise will be ruined.)

My love for felt is continuing into the Christmas season. I love these make up bags using my handmade felt panels and flowers. I made this bag for my daughter's friend and she has already received it so I can post it here.

Felted soaps are a great gift idea and are super easy to make last minute if you have some wool roving to hand (I mean who does, but you never know!)..You simply wrap the wool round the soap in your desired design, secure it in some netting, or old cut off tights, wet it and work it in your hands until it has felted. I learnt how from Youtube and there are lots of videos to show you how if interested.

Here are some of the felted soaps I made. They are a really pretty addition to bath time and the wool is a lovely and gentle exfoliant.

Christmas time is always filled with lots of baking. I always moan about it at the time, but I must love it because I end up doing lots of baking and christmas wouldn't be the same without it.
 Here are some of the bakes for my daughter's school Christmas fair.

Gingerbread cupcakes topped with members of a very happy cookie family.

Christmas tree cookies (Vanilla shortbread).

Star topped Vanilla cupcakes.

I made these for my daughter Kezia's birthday this week and she took these in to share with her class at school.

Making a Christmas cake for our friend Patrick has become part of my Christmas ritual. The trouble is, every single year, of which this is the 3rd, I have burnt my first attempt in the oven. I always forget that my oven works at a much higher temperature than it says, and so I gullibly follow the instructions and end up with a burnt cake, and then have to make another one. My family very kindly eats the burnt one and say how much they like slightly burnt christmas cake. I think they genuinely do, because that's all they've ever had!
This year I burnt the first two attempts at Patrick's cake, because I got over confident and put two cakes in the oven at the same time, one for him and one for us, and they both ended up burnt. So I had to make another one yet again!
Anyway, here is Patrick's cake this year. I hope he likes it. It was made with lots of dried fruit, brandy and very much love.

To end, I shall write about Pomanders. Pomanders are oranges studded with cloves. I make them every Christmas to decorate the Christmas table, but also because making them is a very good stress reliever. There's something about the repetitiveness of it and the gorgeous scent of cloves and orange that is really good for the soul, especially when things start to feel really hectic.

Wishing you much joy this Christmas season.

Very much love.

xxxx